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Uncertain future

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A friend told me a story today about sitting on his porch in a rocking chair many years ago, holding his baby girl in his arms, saying to her that she had absolutely no idea how precarious and uncertain their family’s future was. Laying there wrapped up in a brand new world, all she knew is that she was depending on her mommy and daddy exclusively for survival. Yet here he was with his new baby girl, and what could he do but just continue to pray and try to do the best that he could? Years later, and in a much healthier stage of life, he looks back and sees clearly that God was taking care of his children this whole time much better than he was able to do.

I feel a parallel with my own life. Honestly, Michelle and I are scared. We’re not hopeless, we’re not hiding under our desks (well, not most of the time), but we’re scared. 2008 for us (not to mention the rest of our lives) was already going to be completely new territory. Uncharted waters. Oh, and here’s another helping of fear to go along with the uncertainty, let’s just take that “job security” away. That scares me the most, just not knowing. I feel like life is backing us into a corner right now, where, I believe, there is going to be nothing else that we can depend on except God. Our faith and love in Him are the only things that make sense. He knows me, Michelle, and what are struggles have been, what our lives are about to go through. Sitting in my Creative Arts meeting today at the church was an incredible experience. God is restructuring us all. Three of us are being cut back to part-time. Two of us are leaving completely, which is entirely (seemingly) coincidental. This is all happening right now at this time in history for a reason.

Yeah, I work at the church. God is changing me, just as he’s changing some of my close friends, whether it’s inside or outside the church walls. It’s amazing actually. But it’s still scary. Really scary. It’s a process. I know we’ll come out on the other side, probably better and brighter and happier than we’ve ever been, because the experience will undoubtedly test our faith and grow our hearts. We’ll get there. But right now I am still comfortably in somewhat of a freak-out mode. Sort of. I’m allowed to be a little freaked out given my situation, right? It’ll pass, but the only way out is through. Did Robert Frost say that?

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