Life is like you are laying down on a weight bench, working on your sweet bench-pressing skills. It’s taken you weeks to finally be able to bench a certain weight, and you are now able to do 12 reps. FINALLY. And it’s right at that moment that the trainer comes over and throws on some more weight. And you’re like, DUDE! I was FINALLY getting it! Why did you go and make things even harder on me? Is that the thanks I get for working so hard?
Well … um … yeah, it is. I don’t like it, but that’s how you build muscle, right?
This is how my life has been for awhile. Every time I seem to be making progress, I get more weights thrown on top and it gets even harder. But the benefit of this is that it’s actually making me stronger. And right now, in a rare moment of clarity, I can see that. I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for the past ten years. Occasionally I get some traction and get a little further, but I feel like I’ve been trying and trying but just can’t seem to “make it.” And I’m not sure I even know what that means.
And with Junior on the way, I don’t think things will slow down any. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe there’s a big difference at this time in my life, and that difference is that i finally feel like all this struggling has begun to head in a very good direction. Michelle and I are busier right now than we’ve ever been in our lives. Yeah, I’ve said that before, but literally, I can’t see straight, there’s so much going on. But it’s GOOD stuff. (Good stress is still stress, right?) And there are things in the works that I think will take our lives in a direction we’ve only dreamed about.
Things are great. Busy and great. Frightening and great. I keep thinking about my son, thinking about what he’ll look like, what he’ll feel like and sound like. We have so much to do to get ready for him, it hurts my head just thinking about it. But I can’t wait to meet him. I just want to hold my wife in one arm, hold him in my other arm, and let the rest of the world just float on by.